samson nights

I have this idea for a stand up sermon. I've had it ever since, one day 3 years ago, I read this passage from Judges 16 - where Samson is captive of the Philistines and he "entertains" them. Entertains is the NRSV translation - other translations hint at mocking, or making sport, or playing. The Way the NRSV translates verse 25 "And he performed for them." gave me the image seen above. I wanted a Lenny Bruce figure with a Jackie Mason delivery. You'd think after all that there'd be a Borscht Belt schtick in scripture somewhere. Why not here.
When I told Jami about my idea and read her what I'd written in the margin of my Bible "Hello Ladies and uncircumcised Philistines" she interrupted me and said, "don't go there." But I can't get this out of my head. I've illustrated something above with words. A sketch of how this thing could go. And I admit, as I told my friend Bob, that this is probably like the Aristocrats - in the movie a joke comedians improvise and tell each other - here I proffer a sermon only ministers who know each other could tell - to expand on and improvise on as they will.
Samson:"You read the Bible and it really is a library: you got your wisdom section; your historical novels; your self help; your doomsday scenarios - heroes, villains, lovers; mythic figures alongside  the all too human.
But where do you go for stand up? It's right here folks. Because when you think about it, I'm a funny guy - and this is a funny moment- in that Freudian "jokes as covert violence" kind of way.
"Hold on there, " you say - "We're a high class room. We're Philistines!"
Hold that thought.
A number of years ago I made use of the jawbone of an ass. People were like, "Why don't you just use the one you already Have?"
I just looked at them - had they never dwelt on the inherent grace of a donkey's mandible before?
I was speechless. I always try to get along with people - though there was that one time ... and that other time. There was one time I was doing a wedding. My own, I think! When I think of the blood, the screams, the fire - and that was only the rehearsal!
Back then I had a lot of hair. Long wavy locks. Women wanted me. Men wanted me. I wanted me!
Whoa.
I swear it all disappeared over night. I get up with alarm to go to work; I look in the mirror and I'm a cue ball. Oh no - not me. But it was off to the salt mines. I lasted a week.
That one jaw bone of an ass - I never found it again. Now I use the one God gave me and it works just fine."