he describes himself as an unfolding science fiction novella: a carbon matrix attains consciousness and discovers similar self-conscious apparatuses only to realize time is short - to stave off despair, he watches a movie about a film that realizes it's a film shortly before the closing credits
"What do you do if the film breaks?"
"I sit in the dark and wait."
he describes himself as an explorer of space and time; every interlude marked by the Earth's turning into and then away from the Sun relative to his position on the Earth's surface presents a series of cosmological problems he attempts reconciling with symbolic data couched in metaphor which he renders in visual allegories and diagrams
he describes himself as spontaneous, combustion, engine-uous - a modicum, a simulacrum, a cookie crumb unswept off the love seat at 3 am, the midnight movie "the drowning pool" nearing its conclusion after commercials for hair loss used unclaimed furniture used cars pocket fishers of men and plaza drugs - lethargy and depression chugging along in the cool dark hall with pile carpeting underfoot, the dog barks in its sleep
he describes himself as stopped on a random spot, moving among and over and through gaps in conversation held on the lawn that drinks before dinner
he describes himself as wishing it was more, that something could be said that said something, that evasions to authority were more transparently vapid so as to lift off the earth like a fog - and what remained were a sensible sense
he describes himself as an unzipped soul
he describes himself as a blooper reel of apt bon mots
he describes himself as having spent too much time looking for gatekeepers and acting as one - or seeing the world as comprised of gate keeping functions - which is akin to the commodification of life - as if our worth were not intrinsic to ourselves
he describes himself as a fictive presence - an unreliable narrator in a world of unreliable narrators - as Job laments at one point "Oh that my words were written in a book!" - a statement the author uses to reify Job's position as character in a narrative
he describes himself as someone who uses "reify" when wants to use "ramify"
he describes himself as an explorer of space and time, 54 years into the thread of a trail of a mystery
